Having the love or approval you seek is a great thing...except when it comes at your own expense.

Codependency has become a bit of a 'label du jour' with many people chalking up their unhealthy relationship habits as being codependent.

However codependency is specific. It's about how you abandon yourself; your voice; your needs and consistently put other people's needs before your own in relationships. It is incredibly addictive. And it is so damaging to your self-esteem. 

As "nice" and as "considerate" as codependents are, they find themselves seeking control over people and/or situations. 

Codependency can be an addiction in itself.  When the codependent is in a relationship with an addict, they think that they are the 'healthy' ones in the relationship.  For codependents, the addict becomes their addiction and their plight becomes how to save or control the addict. Unfortunately, they end up enabling addiction. despite their best intentions.

Although codependents believe they are doing everything to help the addict they love,  they are trying to get their own needs met - whether that is feeling more secure, lessening their anxiety or alleviating feelings of helplessness. 

Codependency doesn't just exist in relationships where addiction is present. 

If you find yourself in relationships consistently overlooking your own needs and twisting yourself every which way to accommodate others, you are likely on some continuum of codependency. 

If you would like to know how you can have healthier relationships, contact me for a 15 minute phone consultation at no charge.  

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